


Human - An Arcana fanfiction

by PuddyGeeks



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 09:11:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuddyGeeks/pseuds/PuddyGeeks
Summary: **ON HIATUS**This follows the main plotline of Asra's route, although I imagine I may go off canon at certain points where the canon annoyed me or I didn't feel the options reflected my Apprentice's character.Human tells the story of the Apprentice from the moment she woke up with Asra, through her recovery and time learning to trust Asra. How will she cope with no memories? How will Asra deal with her illness due to her constant need to try to remember? Can their love survive the trials ahead?





	Human - An Arcana fanfiction

_ Where am I? _

The first thing to fill my consciousness is the sudden overwhelming awareness of nothing. I feel as if I am floating in a void, no sounds, no sensations, nothing to guide me. Darkness fills my vision and I feel panic filling the space around me. How can there be nothing?

Everything starts to return to me at once and it is all consuming. A soft absorbing sensation grips my body, gentle woven fabrics brush against my skin, the air is warm and smells of incense. A shiver starts at my fingertips, and spreads across my skin gaining momentum. As it races the length of my body, I feel my eyes open with a snap and the world is returned to me.

I lay flat on my back in a small bed overly bundled with blankets, and stare up at an unfamiliar ceiling filled with wooden beams and hand painted stars. The air is stifling, leaving warm beads of sweat to roll down my face. My heart beat is pounding in my ears, and I can feel my chest tightening, as if my heart were at risk of bursting through. A thought rushes through my mind again, so loud it feels as if I were uncontrollably screaming in my head.

_ Where am I?! _

I attempt to sit up, but nothing happens. My body continues to tremble and sweat, and I’m struck with an awareness of it’s weakness. I struggle in my mind to flex my muscles, working my way through each part of my body willing it to move, to show some confirmation that I can control it, but to no avail. I stare at the ceiling, powerless to do anything more. Something must have happened to cause this, I find myself thinking that a complete inability to move is not usual. In fact, I become certain of it. Something has happened to me. As I consider this, my pulse races and breathing becomes ever more difficult. I try to control the panic, to stop it from overtaking me, but even that seems to be beyond my control.

My attention is caught by the sound of a door swinging open, and frantic footsteps tapped across the floor to where I was lying. A face came into view, startled and afraid, and I felt my breath hitch at the sight of them. There was a fleeting pain in their expression, and though I couldn’t explain why, it caused a sharp stab in my heart. Then, their expression quickly changed to relief, as they dropped to their knees by my side, and they gently put a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re awake!” Their voice carried softly, full of disbelief and wonder. “It’s okay, you’re safe.” I couldn’t explain the effect these words from a stranger had, perhaps it was the tone of the voice; melodic, soft, wise. Perhaps it was the familiarity they spoke with, their easiness around me. Or perhaps I was simply so desperate to have something to anchor me to this place, but either way, their presence was a welcome blessing. 

I was desperate to do something, to move to get a better view of them, to speak, to ask them what was happening. It felt the harder I tried to respond, the more overwhelming it became, and my brain was overloading with information. As if they could sense this, the person spoke again. “It’s alright, you’re not ready yet, you need to rest.” They bought a cool hand to my forehead, and in moments I found myself unconscious again. 

I could not tell how much time had passed like this, but each time I woke, the familiar presence was there. It was a comfort not to wake alone as I had the first time, and each time I opened my eyes allowed me to build a clearer picture of my location, and my company. I had managed to put together a few things, warm golden-brown skin, fluffy pearlescent white hair, scents of honey and vanilla, warm gentle touches and most strikingly, those vivid violet eyes. I had not managed to piece together a complete face, but I recognised the voice as male and I knew that he was taking care of me. The questions in my mind grew louder and more persistent, who was he?

This time, he stepped fully into my view to lean over me and I was breathless at the sight of him. He was devastatingly beautiful and some small part of my mind began to question whether he was real. He leaned gently over me, and slid his hands between my shoulder blades. Slowly, he lifted my weight to shuffle some pillows behind me, before propping me up against them so gently that I could be made of glass. His eyes seemed full of fear, as he adjusted the blankets around me to support my body and I watched every slight movement he made, noticing the caution behind every one of them. He met my eyes slowly, and managed a forced smile. “You need to eat, I know you probably don’t want to, but we need to get some weight back on you. I can’t let you get any smaller…” He trailed off uncomfortably, as his eyes darted across my frame and he grimaced, before dropping his gaze to the floor.

As he leaned over to my side to get something, I glanced downward and felt my eyes widen. In the upright position I had been moved to, even without being able to move my head, I could see more of the body that had been previously hidden from me, and immediately regretted it. My limbs were so thin that my joints appeared too large for them, they hung limply beside my gaunt frame. My eyes grazed over two jagged hip bones that pointed out either side of where my stomach should be, but it seemed to have withdrawn in the shock of what I was seeing. I could not see above my stomach, but I became aware of the sensation of skin stretched too tightly over my ribs, and very little protection between the two. I was little more than skin and bones, and the realisation was destroying my mind. When my caretaker reappeared into my view with a bowl and spoon, his violet eyes were troubled. I met them with my wide, terrified expression carrying a question I could not ask. His composure broke for a moment, and he could not look at me while he spoke in a pained voice. “I know. I will fix it, I promise.”

This caused more questions to bubble in my mind, but before I could focus too much on them, he had recovered and was already gently bringing a spoon to my mouth. It was remarkably hard to work out what I was doing with the substance in my mouth. I had assumed natural instinct would take over, as it seemed had my helper, and I choked a few times. After several pained attempts, and remarkable patience from the man by my side, I managed to chew and swallow. The food was pureed, I assumed to make it easier for me, and warm. There were many conflicting tastes, and the heat was causing me to sweat already. He looked at me apologetically, and placed the bowl of food to my side, instead holding a cool and damp cloth and using it to dab my face. It cooled me quickly and was very pleasant. “I apologise, I know rice pudding is not the easiest thing in this heat. However it was the simplest way for me to add as much nutritional value as you need.”

We continued in this pattern, a few strained sips of the hot sickly concoction followed by a break with the cool cloth until I had finished the bowl. Seeming pleased with himself, he rose to his feet and helped to settle my body back into a reclined position, supporting me with blankets. As he began gathering the things he’d bought in with him, I felt my heavily eyelids already sliding closed on me. I had no way of keeping track of how long we did this for, but it became a routine. He would bring me food, help me to eat it and then I would sleep for what felt like days. I did not seem to be able to stay awake for longer than it took to eat, which I could only assume was due to the overall weakness of my wasting body. Each time I woke, my mind raced with a growing frustration at what felt like a lack of progress, and I started to become obsessed with staying awake. I fought the exhaustion, desperate to keep my eyes open just a little longer, to look into his comforting eyes, to show him I was  _ trying _ . I couldn’t explain this need, there was no logical place for it have come from, but I felt it deep inside. As the days went on, I was gradually able to increase the time I was awake, and I could see in his eyes that he noticed. It was painful and exhausting, but I was unable to stop myself. However this determination was not missed by my companion. 

The next morning he bought a different meal for me, a hot broth with vegetables. Although it was a challenge to manage chewing, I struggled on, determined not to fail at the next step. It felt like progress, and so I clung to it with all I could muster. He spoke to me gently as I ate. “You’re doing well. I can tell you’re getting stronger, your body is starting to reflect that too.” He smiled weakly. “I know this is tougher, but it should help.” We continued in our new pattern, he would bring broth and speak words of encouragement, and I’d fight the overwhelming tiredness. As my time awake grew, he would spend more time by my side. We sat in silence, a million unanswered questions swirled in my mind that I was unable to release, I wondered if he realised.

I practised trying to speak as often as my energy would allow. I mostly just made silent movements with my mouth, testing out the feeling of words, but it seemed impossible to create a sound. This simple act was overwhelming and increased my exhaustion. I found I could spend less time awake if I used it to attempt speaking. This discovery was incredibly frustrating and I despised the choice. I began to vary the days, sometimes choosing to cling to my awake time, staring at the beautiful, silent man by side. Other days, I was unable to ignore the questions screaming in my head that I wanted to ask him. As I finished my meal, he gently placed the bowl on the bedside cabinet, and sighed thoughtfully. “You’ve been tired again.” He muttered, his eyes staring at the floor. Slowly, his gaze lifted to meet mine with a melancholy expression. His hand brushed the hair from my eyes, and came to rest on my cheek so gently that I could barely feel it there. “That is no coincidence. What are you up to in that beautiful mind of yours?”

The sudden affection jolted me, I felt my eyes widen and my heartbeat increased rapidly. I used this momentum to try to speak with more determination than I had before. This time, he saw it and his eyes widened in return. I repeated many different attempts at speech, none of which produced a sound. He waited patiently by my side with an encouraging expression. I felt the frustration begin to build, and sighed heavily. 

“It’s okay, I’m here. Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled gently.

There were so many questions, I wanted to ask them all at once. I realised I couldn’t focus on any particular sound, I was simply trying to make  _ any _ noise, to prove that I could. I took a deep breath and concentrated. If I could only ask one question, if I only manage one...

As if sensing that I was reflecting deeply on how to do this, he gently placed his hand over mine. “I’m here.” He said again.

“W-W-W” I started to stammer, and immediately stopped from the shock. We reflected each other in our expressions, both equally stunned at the sound. His expression became one of hope and he squeezed my hand in encouragement. I took a deep breath and tried again. “W-W-W…..W-W” I sighed deeply again in frustration. I opened my eyes to look at him waiting eagerly, and the question only grew stronger in my mind. “W-Who…?” I couldn’t manage the rest of the question so simply raised my brows at him. 

I knew immediately that he had understood what I was asking when I saw pain crashing over him. His eyes reflected devastation, his hand moved from mine and he stiffened. I knew I had hurt him, but I couldn’t understand why. The confusion in my mind grew louder in the seconds it took him to recover and to place a calm facade over his reaction, but I knew what I had seen. He tried to soften his posture, but I could feel the increased distance between us. 

“I am sorry, I should have introduced myself sooner. My name is Asra, I am a magician. You are my apprentice, Sunehri.” He tries to force a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and I can still see the pain in them.  _ Asra _ . I test the feel of that name in my mind, hoping for some sense of familiarity, but no such thing comes. Asra stands suddenly “That’s quite enough for today, don’t you think? Get some rest.” He collects his things and leaves the room quickly. Although I am exhausted, I stay awake for what feels like hours going over this new information. A magician? His apprentice? That would mean I am learning magic. Why do I not remember? If I am his apprentice how do I not know him? I can’t be a very useful apprentice in this state can I?  **What happened to me?**

This last thought resounds in my head, over and over, as it has since I first woke. I resolve to ask, to keep practising until I can manage the question. 

Asra continues to bring my meals each day, but he does not stay with me after any longer. Every visit, I try to speak, I try to sound out the question in my mind, but I do not manage any sounds. He uses my name every time he speaks to me, perhaps in an effort to help it feel familiar, but his manner of speaking has completely changed. His words are still gentle and encouraging, but it feels as if he is speaking them from behind a wall. He looks suddenly exhausted, his previously sparkling eyes are dulled. I spend much more time lying in silence alone, and I do not understand why. Did I do something wrong? Did I...hurt him? 

When he visits next, I do not try to speak, I simply watch him. I watch his every movement, his expressions, I listen carefully to his words, desperately searching for some sense to his behaviour. It doesn’t seem to take him long to notice, and although he looks thoughtful, he does not say anything. As he stands to leave, I feel a single tear roll across my cheek, and feel Asra’s gaze focus on it. He sighs deeply. “I’m sorry I cannot be here with you all the time. It is difficult for us both.” For a moment, he looks purposeful before he hurries from the room. He is only gone a few minutes before he rushes back in with focused expression. 

“I know it’s not perfect but I may have a solution.” He raises his hands to show what he is carrying and my eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, it’s okay don’t be alarmed. This is Faust, she’s my familiar.” A stunning silver-blue snake winds itself down Asra’s arm as he steps closer to the bed. At first, I’m very uncomfortable, unsure what to expect, but Faust makes her way to me gently and cautiously settles herself next to my arm, just far enough to not touch. “You know each other, I know you don’t recognise her, but you can get to know each other again. She’ll keep you company.” He gives us both an encouraging smile. “Faust, take good care of Sunehri for me.” He looks one last time between the snake and I, then turns to leave the room.

As the door clicks shut behind him, I’m immediately struck by the silence in the room. It’s deafening, the air in the room growing heavy and oppressive, and a million voices scream in my mind, building to such a volume, I feel that my head is going to explode. Just as it reaches an unbearable agony, a tiny voice in the room distracts me. “ Friend? ”

My eyes dart around the space, trying to find the source of the sound, but with my limited range of movement, I’m not able to find anything. Suddenly, I sense movement on the bed and catch a glimpse of the silvery serpent making it’s way over to me. It gently starts to wrap it’s way around my arm and settles itself comfortably. Then I hear it again, more concentrated this time. “ Friend! ” I could feel a strange sensation, like it was reading me, or at least had some kind of insight into my feelings. And so I concentrated all of my thoughts into an acceptance of the creatures friendship, and as I felt my eyelids slowly flutter closed, the snake shifted a little closer.

Asra and I continued in our pattern, him feeding me soup with a protective air about him, whilst I stared at him with questioning eyes. He didn’t seem interested in my questions any more, or in encouraging me to learn to speak, instead telling me to stop burning out my energy and to focus on getting rest. “Recovery will come naturally, you must allow it the time to do so, and give your body the sleep it needs to do that.” He lectured me today, but couldn’t suppress a slight smile when he thought I wasn’t looking. He packed up the empty bowl and assorted items, patted my snake companion on the head, and rose to leave the room. As he was about to open the door, he seemed to think twice and turned to face me again. “You’re doing well Sunehri, your weight is coming along well. We might be able to move you on to something more appetising soon. Please, get your rest.” He smiled softly before stepping out of the room and sliding the door closed behind him. 

I did not rest. He didn’t seem to realise yet, but I was doing very well. I hadn’t given up on learning to talk yet, and was spending much of my alone time practising sounds, feeling out the movements I needed to make. I’d also managed to start moving a little, I could now lift my feet from the mattress, and move my hands. It was a struggle, and absolutely exhausting to do, but I was driven by my desire to see what was beyond this room, and to follow Asra. I laid on the bed and again began to wiggle my toes. This was how I began my exercises every day. The snake watched with cautious interest, making itself comfortable beside me, as if it was preparing itself for the long haul. Asra had been right when he left it here, it was definitely keeping me company. After a while, I began to tire of the movement, so I lay still again. I looked at the snake again. 

“ Well done! ” The small voice drifted across the room gently, and the snake tilted it’s head in a kind way.

I couldn’t remember it’s name, although Asra had told me. I was so exhausted and upset with him that day. I strained to try to remember. The snake slithered over and rested it’s head on the back of my hand, and stared at me with a worried look. I tried not to be distracted and concentrated harder on remembering. It was my only friend in this room, my only comfort when Asra wasn’t around. I should know it’s name. 

“ Faust. ” This time the voice was gentler than ever before. The snake brushes it’s head against my hand in an affectionate gesture, it’s eyes full of understanding. I found myself wondering if it was normal for a snake to talk, or to read minds, if that’s what it was doing. I’m not sure, maybe I just want to believe there’s something that can communicate with me. _ It? He? She? I don’t know how to address Faust now _ . “ She! ” The voice was louder this time, stern, and the look she was giving me now carried a hint of offence. I looked at her apologetically.

Faust. I won’t forget again. Thank you.

***

I couldn’t tell how long I’d been in this room anymore. How many days had passed since I woke up here? How long has Asra been avoiding me now? Will he ever get over whatever I did to change things? Maybe he doesn’t want me to get better. I was trapped in my never ending thoughts and questions for so many hours of the day that I started to feel like I was losing my mind. Faust kept me strong, with her little comments and playful nudges. I tried to move more each day, and although it had taken much time and perseverance, I was making progress.

I could now almost sit up unassisted, although it was completely exhausting. I could only attempt this once a day, and it left me drained. Faust continually gave praise and encouragement. When I became too exhausted to continue trying to move, I would practice speaking. Faust repeated words for me to separate into individual sounds. We worked as a team, both aiming for the same goal. I may have doubts about Asra, but I felt in my gut that Faust was on my side. I couldn’t imagine feeling more thankful for anything. We began to alternate exercises between sitting up and kicking my legs. I had my sights set on following Asra from this room, I wanted to know what was on the other side of the door so badly that it was starting to consume me. 

This particular morning I woke early, staring intensely at the door. I felt determination coursing through me at such a powerful rate that it made me tremble. My movement awoke Faust, who was still snoozing softly at my side. She slithered over to me, slinking up my arm before settling herself comfortably on my chest and fixing me with a cautious look. “ Friend okay? ” Her gentle voice was always a relief to hear. I smiled back, before giving her a determined nod and glancing back at the door. She perked up into an upright position and her tail flicked excitedly. “ Today! ” she squeaked, barely containing her enthusiasm. “ Let’s go! ”

She readjusted her position further from my face to give me the space to move, but stayed on my stomach, peering at me encouragingly. We’d been tracking my progress by seeing how close I could get to Faust, and I felt she knew that it helped to encourage me too. I strained as hard as I could, moving at what felt like an excruciatingly slow speed. It took every measure of strength I had, and felt like my entire body screamed at me to stop, but I squashed those instincts and continued to push. Faust bobbed up and down, and whipped her tail in excitement. I groaned as I felt my stomach muscles start to burn, but I was closer to Faust than I had ever managed to get before, and that lit a fire in my heart. I hissed out in pain as I forced myself past the urge to give up, and somehow I was suddenly face to face with my serpent companion. “ Yay! ” Faust looked like she may actually explode from the excitement, darting about the bed in a way I hadn’t ever seen her move before. I couldn’t decide which of us was more thrilled.

She came back to face me and her nose bopped mine so gently and carefully that I barely felt it. I was panting from the exertion, and I could feel the sweat on my skin. I was ecstatic, but not done; I knew my goal.I looked at Faust, and once I knew she was following my line of sight, my eyes darted to the door. Faust’s demeanour changed rapidly, her face suddenly filled with concern. “ Worried. ” Her voice sounded more childlike than usual, and she tilted her head at me. I looked at the door again and back at her with a steely expression. She seemed to think for a moment, glancing around the room, before flicking her tail excitedly again. She slid down onto the floor, stretching herself up to still see me and said “ let’s go! ” with a far more mischievous tone than before.

It took a great deal of time to swing my legs around off the bed so that my feet could reach the floor. It was the first time I’d been able to see it, or the rest of the room. It was a very worn wood, with few matching panels and lots of natural shapes. The walls were simple brickwork, broken up with thick wooden beams which held up the star painted ceiling. There were beautiful glass lanterns hanging down from the ceiling, and between were all colours of sheer fabrics, draped from one beam to the other. There was a sparse collection of mismatched furniture, all simple, wooden and mostly looked handmade. As I glanced around, I noticed an abundance of candles and plants on almost every surface. The more I looked, the more I seemed to notice that plants seemed to grow wild here between the cracks in the walls and in any alcoves. In various spaces on the floor, there were enormous piles of cushions, all in varying sizes, colours, patterns. There was a bookshelf in the corner filled with well worn books and another pile of cushions next to it, the largest yet. As I bought my gaze past the rest of the room, back towards the door, I was drawn to something. It was tall, larger than the door, and covered by a heavy blanket that I couldn’t see through. I couldn’t help but feel intrigued, and that spark gave me the last push I needed to lift myself up onto my feet. Faust practically bounced with excitement, I was sure she would leave the ground at any moment. She began to speed across the room toward the door, overflowing with encouragement now that she had seen me make it this far.

I floundered around on the spot, unsure how to gain my balance. I felt immensely off centred, and seemed to simply tip from one direction to another. For a moment, I almost fell but managed to catch myself on the bed, earning an utterly horrified look from Faust, who rushed over to me. I took my time holding myself up on the bed frame, and caught my breath. Faust fussed over me worriedly the entire time, but I refused to give up yet.

After what felt like an eternity of recovering, I dragged myself back up into a standing position, this time immediately throwing my arms out either side of me in an attempt to re-balance. I stood this way for a little while until I stopped tipping, before finally attempting to walk. The simple act of placing one foot in front of the other took an immense amount of concentration and experimentation. I lost my balance with every step, and fought constantly not to fall to the floor. Faust moved much slower this time, guiding me to the door while ensuring not to be in stepping distance. The more I stumbled, the more I felt myself becoming frustrated. Faust was almost at the door now, waiting for me and I could feel my legs shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t go much further, I felt I was on the verge of collapse, and so I sharply changed course to the much closer item I had noticed earlier, covered with the thick blanket. I needed a break before I could gather the strength to open that door, and so I threw myself forward in a half walk, half stumble. I fell towards the object, and as my fingers connected with the blanket, I heard Faust’s urgent voice cry “ DON’T! ”

It was too late, I was heading for it with far too much force behind me and as I collided with it, the blanket tore down to reveal an image of far more horror than I could have ever imagined. My eyes grew wide, and I stood in front of it with a tremble running through my entire body. I gripped the frame in desperation, staring at the image in utter disgust. The creature in the picture appeared to be on the verge of death. It was a vision of jagged bones that violently tried to tear through the tight, translucent skin. Lank, dry hair hung in matted chunks down to the impossibly thin waist. As I gawked in disbelief, the image moved and Faust came into view. I was momentarily confused, as I stared at her heartbroken face. I felt movement beside my feet to see Faust right next to me, looking at the same framed picture I was. As the Faust beside me moved to glance up at me with sorrowful eyes, so did the Faust in the image. It hadn’t been a trick of the light before, or that I simply didn’t notice her there at first; it was reflecting her. My eyes darted up to the face of the creature, meeting deep brown eyes that receded far back into the face that glared back at me, and I felt my mind begin to shatter. The reality of what I was looking at hit me all at once; it was a mirror. The creature was me.


End file.
